Reader,
“...I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”
—Mary Oliver
I was reminded of this poem today.
It’s Tuesday, the day I’d usually be writing this email for y’all. But tomorrow is also brain scan day for my husband.
Every three months he goes in to see if the medicine is working, if the scans stay clear.
It takes up a lot of space. I can feel it creeping in a week before as a tension in my jaw, shoulders tightening.
I feel it in the sleep I don’t get the night before.
And in the release when we receive the “all clear” message from his medical team.
It’s become so familiar and yet it still sneaks up on me from time to time, surprising me with its intensity.
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And so instead of writing a long email, I took a walk to the lighthouse with him and sat and watched the sea wash over the rocks, letting the salt spray land on our faces and watch the sky turn colors as the sun set.
Something simple. Not something that was on the list of things to do. But far more important.
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Sometimes, navigating uncertainty means pushing aside the logical and leaning into the idea that we have “one wild and precious life” and then acting accordingly.
(Editing to add on Wednesday night that yes, his scans were clear!)
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