​Reader,​

Last week I slid into a job that I do really, really well – Mom.

My husband was gone for the week and I was solo parenting. It’s a role I know well. When he was full time active duty military, it was just me and my daughter for months at a time.

It’s not like I had quit the Mom job or anything, but my role of mom has definitely evolved over the years.

As my daughter got older, she needed me less. And when my husband got sick, he found himself home full time. When he’s feeling well he does a lot of the driving back and forth to school and events. He’s even learned to cook a meal or two during the week to help out when things get busy with my work.

But last week, I stepped back into full time mom. There was a two day event in Boston my daughter needed rides for. I found myself packing lunches and snacks. Tossing books for myself into the car for the obligatory car waiting periods.

Later in the week, we had to spend a full day in Plymouth for a school project. Once again, helping her figure out where she wanted to go and how to organize it, so we didn’t walk ourselves silly.

I found myself out of the house, away from the computer and work, driving her back and forth, sneaking in walks in random neighborhoods, catching up on reading and phone calls to friends.

And all those long hours in the car lent themselves to conversations and catching up. I heard about school concerns, what she was excited for, where she wanted to travel next, how she shined in her internship.

Since my husband was gone, we were able to fall back into our fun routine of vegetarian meals all week and catch up on the shows we were watching (Widow’s Bay and The Good Place).

I didn’t realize how much I had missed this full-time mom role.

And I had forgotten how good at it I was. It was like slipping on an old sweater and remembering how good it felt. It was familiar and I knew how to do it well without thinking. It was a role that I had honed and put time and energy into for years. And one that had changed so much since I stepped into full time work and caretaking of my husband. It felt natural and easy – and I really, really needed that ease in this moment.

I think my daughter did too. By the end of the week, she asked if I could drive her to school once a week. She said she missed the car time together. After all the full day outings, we forgot how much fun it was to have a whole day to get curious and adventure together. We sat down and figured out what other adventures we wanted to do. The Newport Mansions, go back to a few of our favorite museums in Boston, maybe even the ballet or a musical.

Our roles in life constantly change and evolve. They’re not meant to stay the same.

They’re affected by what life demands, by people growing or leaving, by careers and jobs changing. Roles are one of the primary ways we identify with ourselves.

How often do we say I am a mother or I am a therapist, teacher, healer? Roles play a big part in who we are, how we present ourselves to the world, and how we interpret the experiences around us.

When a role changes, something fundamentally shifts. We are no longer the same person with the same life.

Just ask a mother who’s child is going to kindergarten or who has just sent her baby off to college. The ground falls out from under you and suddenly you look around and find yourself in unknown territory. Traversing a landscape and place you’ve never been before.

And for better or worse, that is life. It is constantly moving in and out of the unknown, and we are experiencing ourselves in different ways, being challenged to grow and expand.

I’ll never go back to that full time solo mama – the person I was for the first 11 years of her life. But last week, I got such a gift.

For a moment, I got to go back in time. To slide into something that reminded me of a time I cherished so completely. And the part of me that had been stretched so thin by all the lifequakes, the changes, the moves, the challenges, got a moment to relax into something that was really good.

I needed that.

I may not be able to play that role in the ways that I have in the past, but I believe I can take some of the really good parts of that and bring them forward into the mom that I am today.

And there’s something anchoring about that. It’s familiar and strange at the same time and leaves me wondering how it will evolve again over the next few years, as she gets ready to leave for college.

→What roles are present in your life now? How do they define who you are? Hit reply and let me know what’s on your mind.

P.S. Our roles play a huge part in how we define who we are. Reply to this email with one role that is currently active in your life and I’ll pull one card for you – that will give you something you need to think about or ponder in regards to that role.